Winchester Attitude: Take It or Leave It
by FoxFire90
Summary: Choices, sacrifices; it's in the Winchester manual. Dean and Sam have found out that the ultimate sacrifice could kill in more ways than one. This is a sisfic, but different from the others. Warnings: Language & torture. OC Aidan Winchester
1. Winchester Way

Somehow I always ended up being the frikkin' bait when we needed to lure something unpleasant. I was hauling ass through a cemetary jumping over headstones with a pissed off zombie chick on my heels.

"Sam! Dean!" I yelled out, "Anytime would be nice!"

"You gotta get her closer," I heard my eldest brother Dean yell back.

_Yeah, easy for you to say,_ I thought and pumped my legs harder, "Now!" Sam my other brother shouted. I dropped to the ground in mid stride and the dead chick went right over me and fell into the grave I laid just before. Dean jumped in the coffin with the girl and pinned her to the box with a silver stake. Sam poured gas all over her and then threw a match in. We watched as she disappeared and her bones disintegrated.

"Ok," I huffed brushing myself off, "we need to talk about me being bait all the time."

"Shut up, twerp." Dean shoved me a bit.

"Why?" I asked stubbornly.

"Because I said so. Me oldest," Dean pointed to himself, "you youngest." he jabbed me with his finger and smirked. I punched him in the arm and then ran out of his reaching grasp.

_My name is Aidan Winchester, I have two older brothers, Dean and Sam and the three of us travel across the country to hunt the things that go bump in the night. _

_Since I'm the youngest and the only girl my brothers give me a hard time, but they know I can handle myself pretty good. Yes, my name is Aidan and I'm a girl; my mom and dad thought they were having another boy, what a surprise when a screaming babygirl popped out. I never liked pink anyways._

Dean checked us in at a shabby motel on a deserted stretch of road while me and Sam got our bags out from the Impala's trunk. After cleaning up we made our way to a twenty-four diner since it was the only thing open at two in the morning. A neon sign the shape of a slice of pie blinked in the window,

"Yum," Dean smiled, "pie."

I looked over to Sam and rolled my eyes. Dean and his pie- it was becoming ridiculous. I slid in a booth next to Sam and a big lady with too much clevage and eighties hair handed us menus, "We have a blue plate special for three-ninety-nine." she droned.

"Anyone ever tell you your smile lights up the room, uh-" Dean leaned closer to read her name tag, "Delores."

"All the time, sugar." She smiled condescendingly. "What can I getcha?" she asked popping the gum she was chewing on.

Dean smiled at her "I'll have the blue plate special with a cup of coffee."

"Salad and water." Sam answered. I gave Dean a knowing look. Leave it to Sam to be a badass Hunter and then order a salad.

I shook my head as Delores turned to me, "What about you, sweetheart?"

"French fries and a coke." I said folding my menu up and handing it back to her. Delores gave Dean one last glare and walked away.

"Wow," Dean raised his eyebrows, "that one there."

"Have you stopped to think maybe she's having a bad day, Dean?" I sighed.

He held up his hand, "Hold it there Dr. Phil." Sam laughed,

"Shut up, Mr. Salad." I pushed into him. Sam said something about not wanting clogged arteries as Delores brought out our food practically slamming Dean's plate down in front of him. He gave her a shocked look,

"You shouldn't be so hostile, Delores." he gave his sweetest grin. "It's not good for your health." Smart ass.

Delores looked to Sam, "Is he always this annoying?" she pointed at Dean with her pen.

"You have no idea." I sighed. Dean kicked me under the table. "Ow." I winced and rubbed my shin.

"She's definitely not getting a tip." Dean mumbled as the grinning waitress left.

After a little while of silence as we ate Sam got out his laptop, "What are you doing?" Dean asked him.

"Looking for a case." he answered tapping the keys.

"Sam," I whined. "we just finished burning a dead chick's bones. Could we at least get some sleep? I'm gonna die of exhaustion."

"You can sleep in the car." Sam snipped.

"Dude, she's right," Dean piped up, "we've been runnin' for three weeks straight."

Sam didn't answer he just continued to type. Dean paid for our meals -not giving Delores a tip- and we headed out to the car. "Is this because of dad?" I asked Sam.

His head whipped in my direction, "Don't-" he growled. It'd been a month since our dad died and although it hurt all three of us I knew Sam felt he didn't have the approval of our old man. I pushed anyways,

"Is that why you want to do job after job-"

"Aidan," Dean warned.

"-because you have to make up for leaving us to go to college?" I continued ignoring Dean. Sam stepped up to me sizing me up. I was short for fifteen and with Sam being a giant I barely came up to his chest. Dean stepped in between us putting his hand on Sam's chest,

"Hey!" he shouted at Sam pushing him back, "Enough." Sam gave me one last death glare and then huffed and went to the car. I turned to get in the car too,

"Aidan!" Dean growled at me. I ignored him and got in the Impala, slamming the door shut.

I plugged my iPod ear buds into my ears cranking up the volume and watched as Dean climbed in the driver's seat. Usually Sam wasn't the one who lost his temper quickly, that was Dean's character flaw. The fire I saw in his eyes told me he could reach that point though. I knew Sam, or Dean for that matter, didn't have it in him to hit me. Yeah, they both slapped me around a bit, but, well, that was just big brother abuse. I was ready to fight Sam though if I had to, not that I would win, but I'd go down like a Winchester. When we pulled up to the motel Sam quickly got out and stormed to the room. I unplugged my earbuds and sighed climbing out of the car. Dean surprised me as he grabbed my arm pulling me to a stop,

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded.

"Nothing." I said jerking my arm out of his grasp and walked towards the motel room. Dean grabbed my arm again, "Let me go!" I pushed at him.

"Not until you tell me what that was all about, Aidan." he shook me.

"Sam thinks he's the only one who lost dad. Hello! He was our dad too!"

Dean let go of my arm and leaned against the car. Dad was a sore subject, it didn't matter which Winchester kid you mentioned him to, "It's not like you're handling it very well yourself." Dean looked into my eyes.

"I'm dealing with dad's death, Dean!" I shouted at him, taking the month of pent up anger out on him, "And are you serious? You're the one to talk- you can't even talk about dad without getting your ass up on your shoulders."

Dean jabbed a finger at me, "You have no right to tell me how to deal with my emotions!" Dean yelled back. "And on the subject, little girl, you have your own damn problems! You stuff and stuff until you can't hold it anymore and then blow up!"

I turned from him fuming, "Aidan, get your ass back here!"

"Blow me, Dean!"

"Ah, God!" I heard Dean yell out into the open air in frustration.

Sam was already in bed laying on his stomach. I slammed the door for emphasis hoping he was asleep and I woke him up. I grabbed the pillow he wasn't using and flung myself on the floor not wanting to sleep with either him or Dean. I put my ear buds back in and blared the music so loud I couldn't hear myself think, which was the goal. I watched Dean come in and noticed he was mumbling to himself. He roughly took his jacket off and threw it on a nearby chair and then threw himself on the bed opposite Sam. _Good, all three of us are pissed off,_I growled inside my head. I woke up later and regretted the plan to sleep on the floor instantly; every muscle was screaming in protest. The earbuds were still in my ears even though the iPod had died. I took them out and then stiffly climbed in the bed next to Sam.

"Floor not very comfortable?" Sam asked quietly.

"Definitely not." I mumbled back not surprised he was awake. After a few moments of silence I turned towards my brother, "I didn't mean what I said earlier." I sighed.

Sam rolled onto his side to face me, "I know."

"I know you think dad wasn't proud of you, Sammy, but he was."

"Aidan-" Sam sighed and I knew he was going to argue with me.

"When it was just him, me, and Dean, we'd roll by Stanford any chance we got to check up on you."

"What?" he whispered fiercly. I could hear the shock in his voice even if I couldn't see him in the dark.

I smiled, "He would tell everybody how proud he was to have a son going to college." I paused. "He might've hated you leaving us at first but I think he liked seeing you happy and living a normal life."

Sam cleared his throat, "I didn't know that."

A light flickered on momentarily blinding me; Dean sat up to look at us, "Ok, everybody's sorry. Can we stop with the love fest and go to sleep?" he grumbled.

I threw a pillow at him, "Shut up." but only half heartedly. I woke up the next morning to Dean on the phone,

"-yeah, Bobby." he was saying. "We'll check it out. Thanks." he snapped his phone shut.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, "What's up?"

"There's a small town about three hours from here that has signs of demons."

"Possessions?" I asked scrubbing the sleep out of my face with my hands.

"Yeah." Dean answered and grabbed his bag. "Get ready, we're leaving as soon as Sam gets back."

We barely spoke the whole drive, all three of us intense. Sure, we fought things people would scream and run from but this was different. It was...well, demons. There's nothing routine about those black eyes bitches. Dean parked the Impala just outside of the town limits so we wouldn't draw attention to ourselves. We stood looking into the trunk deciding what to take. I glanced over to Dean and Sam; they both had their hunting game faces on. I composed mine to do the same and helped to stuff a backback of weapons and various tools we could use against a demon. As we walked through the town I had a sinking feeling in my stomach,

"Does this look a little too much ghost town for you?" I asked my brothers quiety.

"Yeah." Sam answered his brow furrowing.

"Where the hell are all the people?" Dean looked around. "Surely a hundred and four people didn't just disappear."

"Looks like we have the Winchester's in town!" A woman shouted in a playful voice. We looked at each other in shock. "Come on out!" she called out to us.

"Well," Dean huffed, "guess our cover's blown." We stepped out into the street where the woman could see us.

"We've been waiting for you." she smiled.

"I'm guessing that's a demon." I sighed loud enough only for my brothers to hear.

**AN: Ok, so this is my first ever fanfic...so be nice! I'm pretty blunt so don't be afraid to do the same. Please review...if i like what i see then i'll post more chapters :)**

**-Fox**


	2. Going Away in the Fire

**WARNING: **Graphic torture in this chapter.

_"I'm guessing that's a demon." I sighed loud enough only for my brothers to hear._

We were immediately rushed by other demons; two each for Dean and Sam and one for me. They dragged us along behind the woman into a shaded building that looked to be an old storage area. Even as we struggled and fought the demons were able to push us into chairs. I felt a pull in my gut and realized I couldn't move when I tried to lift my arm to hit the demon standing behind me. I looked over to my brothers; they were obviously having the same issue. I _hated_ demons, I really did. The woman came over to me and bent close to my face,

"It's nice to see you again, Aidan." she smiled. I knew that...

"Meg," I said cooly.

"That's right." she laughed, "I missed you guys." and trailed a finger along my arm.

I tried to jerk it away without any success, "Don't touch me bitch." I spat.

Meg grabbed a handful of hair and pulled my head back, "That's not very nice."

"Hey!" Dean shouted to get her attention, "Get your skank hands off my sister!"

Meg strutted over to him, "Dean-o, I don't think you're in any position to be demanding anything."

Dean put on his best smartass smirk, "Well why don't you let me up and we'll just see what position we can get into."

Meg put her hand on his cheek and scratched, "Nope!" she said in a high voice, playing.

"What do you want, Meg?" Sam finally spoke up.

"Ah, Sammy," she sighed loudly walking her fingers across the back of his neck, "I want world peace."

"That's so funny." I commented dryly. I received a sharp slap for that. My tongue found blood at the corner of my mouth, "Wow," I panted, "that stung a bit." and then smiled at her.

Her hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed, "I'm tired of playing with you child." Meg pushed herself away by my throat, "Here's the deal, kids; we need one of you down in the pit."

"In hell?" Sam asked in disbelief. "What for?"

"Now, Sammy, I can't go telling you all our secrets." she tried at a seductive smirk. It made my stomach twist. "Problem is we need your permission- it's the rules."

"Well," Dean sighed, "there's no way in hell we're gonna say yes so you can shove it, bitch."

Meg laughed, "Oh, yes, one of you will." She nodded to the demon standing behind Sam. "You see, humans will agree to a lot of things when they're being tortured. And, I think I'll start with Sammy here."

Two demons hustled Sam into a room off the one we were sitting in. Me and Dean struggled against the invisible force that was holding us to the chairs, "I swear if you hurt him!" Dean threatened as Meg walked back to the room.

A minute later we heard Sam screaming, I don't mean like he was scared, I'm talking about the blood-curdling-come-from-the-pit-of-your-stomach screaming. "Sam!" I yelled violently thrashing around.

I knew if Sam was screaming in pain then something really horrible was being done to him. We were raised to take pain, it was part of our everyday lives. Hell! We even stitched each other up after a bad hunt! Sam screamed for what seemed like hours; I closed my eyes and tried to do anything to block out the sound. Dean was next to me yelling for Sam and calling the demons every name he could think of while simutaneously threatening to kill each of them. Finally, I couldn't hear Sam anymore,

"Dean!" I shouted to shut him up, "I don't hear, Sam."

A demon dragged a lifeless Sam out and dumped him on the floor. "That's because Sammy can't talk right now." Meg sighed in complete contentment.

"Sam!" I called trying to get something out of him. He didn't move. Even from where I was sitting I could see he was badly beaten and bleeding.

Meg strolled over to us with her black eyed guards following, "I think I'll take 'lil sis now."

I looked over to Dean and saw the worry in his eyes beneath the anger, "Take me!" he offered.

"Dean, no!" I shook my head. "Bring it, bitch." I dared Meg. She smiled at me as the two demons grabbed me. As we passed Sam I took a better look seeing that he was, in fact, breathing, "He's alive!" I shouted to Dean.

The demon pushed me into the room, I noticed blood spilled on the floor. _God, please let Sam be ok_, I closed my eyes and silently prayed. "Aidan, honey, I think you should save yourself a whole lot of hurt and just say yes." Meg said while circling around me.

"Bite me." I answered between clenched teeth.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Your blood."

Meg started out slapping and punching me, just teasing. I'd taken punches before, they're never easy, but being hit by a demon felt like being hit with a brick. I felt skin open up under the pressure on my face and felt warm liquid. By the time she was done with my face my right eye was so swollen I could barely see out of it. She continued to punch me in the stomach breaking a few ribs. I was on my knees, doubled over trying to catch my breath, when a demon picked me up and slammed me down on the table in the middle of the room. I was laid on my back with my left arm extended out on the table. I watched as Meg twirled a thick pipe in her hand like a baton and took my wrist in a firm grasp. I knew what was going to happen even before she brought the pipe above her head and then with a growl slammed it down on the middle of my arm. After I heard the _thwack! _I felt the bone actually crunch. I couldn't keep in the animalistic shriek that errupted from my lungs and out through my laughed and the pipe came down again. The agony was unbearable. She let go of my arm and I rolled on my side taking in big gulps of air as the nasuea washed through me. Through the ringing in my ears I could hear Dean screaming my name.

"Say yes!" Meg barked in my ear. She didn't know how much I wanted to but Winchesters didn't give in. Tears streamed down my face but I kept my mouth closed. "Fine." she huffed clearly getting frustrated.

She repeated with the pipe but to my leg just below my knee. I screamed again as I felt the familiar pain shoot through my entire leg like fire. After Meg was satisfied with the pipe she was handed a hunting knife,

"I know where to poke without hitting anything vital." she teased and licked the blade. "Say yes." she tried one more time.

"Go to hell." I whispered faintly.

Meg wasn't lying, she knew where to stab. I felt the blade slip into my shoulder just below my collar bone. I yelled. I yelled for Sam and Dean, for God, my dad, anybody to help me until my lungs ached and burned. After the third stab my vision shifted in and out and I become mercifully numb. I felt my body floating and realized I was being carried out of the room before I was dumped beside Sam. I opened my eyes enough to see Sam's eyes were partially open and he was still breathing. I tried to reach out for him but my mangled arm wouldn't move. I closed my eyes but opened them again when I heard Dean being shuffled past,

"Aidan!" he called. I could hear the fear in his voice, I wanted to tell him I was ok, instead my eyes closed again.

In and out of consciousness I heard the sound of Dean being tortured, his voice hoarse. I drifted off again. I woke up to find myself sitting up in the chair I was in before along with my brothers. Sam was still unconscious bleeding heavily from his head and chest. Dean's face was disfigured; his nose was broken, eyes swollen, and his right cheekbone wasn't shaped correctly. His head was bobbing like he was trying to keep himself from falling into the darkness.

"Dean?" I whispered his name which was barely audible.

"Hm," he groaned.

"What _is_ it with you Winchesters?" Meg growled. She went to grab Sammy but I stopped her,

"Wait!" I knew my brothers or myself would'nt survive any more. "You can have me, just stop."

Dean ignoring the pain it caused whipped his head in my direction, "No, Aidan!"

"Looks like we got a winner!" Meg cheered with the other demons. She snatched me up from the chair and I felt my broken body break all over again, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore; I was going to die. She put the knife to my throat,

"Please," Dean sobbed breaking down.

"It's ok, Dean." I lied bravely my own tears spilling over. "I love you guys. Tell Sammy." and then I felt the blade slice through my throat.

**AN:** I have a playlist that goes with this story. I listen to it and it gets me in the "mood", so if you would like to know the songs let me know and i'll list them with the next post!

-Fox


	3. More Than One Goodbye

**AN**: So, like i promised at the end of this chapter will be a list of songs that i feel go along with my story. They get me in the mood :)

* * *

_Meg was holding his sister with a knife under her chin. Aidan's eyes begged him- begged him why? Tears streamed down her face as pure agony flooded in. Meg laughed and sliced Aidan's throat, his sister crumpling on the floor with her blood spilling out around her. He screamed_.

"Dean!" A voice was shouting, "Dean, can ya hear me?"

Dean opened his eyes to find Bobby standing over him. He was breathing hard and he could feel sweat over his entire body. As his eyes adjusted he heard sounds; machines, beeping, muffled voices in the distance. "Bobby?" his voice was raspy. Dean realized he was in a hospital. "Aidan! Sam!" he tried to sit up but pain shot through his body.

Bobby put a hand on Dean's shoulder and gently pushed him down, "Lay down, son. You're hurt pretty bad."

Tears prickled Dean's eyes as images of Meg holding Aidan flashed, "Bobby-" was all he got out before he was sobbing uncontrollably.

Bobby patted Dean on the shoulder and wiped at his face, "I know."

His baby sister was gone and the worst part is where she was; in hell. He knew from his own experiences that Aidan would suffer a million times over what she did with Meg. Minutes or hours later, he didn't know, Dean couldn't cry anymore, he didn't have any tears left. "Sam?" he asked miserably almost afraid to hear the answer.

"He's in the next room over," Bobby sniffed and wiped his face, "he's in a coma."

Five days went by while Dean waited for his brother to wake up. He'd really never been a praying man but he spent hours talking to God, begging him to let Sammy live. He couldn't lose both his siblings, he'd have no one. His doctor checked him over periodically,

"You're healing quickly." the doctor reported. Dean could care less, he needed Sam to wake up. The doctor stood in front of him seeming to be uncomfortable, "About your sister,"

"What about her?" Dean snapped.

"Arrangements needs to made, we can't keep her body here for very much longer."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. He clenched his jaw and it took everything in him not to scream at the man standing in front of him, "I'll talk it over with my brother when he wakes up."

The doctor opened his mouth to answer but closed it again when he saw the look on Dean's face. Dean demanded to sit in his brother's room and after a heated argument a nurse finally brought him a wheel chair. Sam was hooked up to a ventilator and had tubes sticking out of him everywhere. Dean parked his chair beside his bed and laid his hand on Sam's gently.

"You gotta wake up, Sammy." Dean's eyes glistened. Like he could hear Dean, Sam opened his eyes a little and then fluttered them as he got used to the light. Dean punched the red button on the wall and a nurse rushed in with a doctor close behind. Sam panicked as he lifted his hand to the tube down his throat and started to choke,

"Hold on, Sam," the doctor said, "I'm going to take it out."

Dean watched as the doctor pulled the tube out and Sam coughed violently, his body following it. He dropped back down on the bed and gasped. The doctor examined Sam and when he was satisfied he wasn't going to crash he turned to Dean, "He's not out of the woods yet. He needs rest."

Everybody left the room leaving Dean alone with Sam, "Hey," he smiled a little.

Sam opened his mouth to try and speak but all that came out was air. He cleared his throat and winced at the pain it caused, "Where's Aidan?" he whispered hoarsly. Dean could feel the tears fall down as he looked at his brother,

"Dean," Sam whispered more urgent, "where's Aidan?"

Dean looked away, "Sammy-" his voice broke.

Tears started to pool in Sam's eyes, "Please, Dean." he whimpered.

Dean wiped at his face and shook his head, "The kid didn't make it, Sammy."

Sam turned his face away from Dean and cried in earnest. Dean grabbed Sam's hand and held it as they silenty sobbed.

After a week more in the hospital the Winchester's, including Aidan's wrapped body, were released and sent on their way. Bobby picked them up and took them to his house hoping the boys would allow him to take of them for a while. After getting settled in Bobby lead the boys to a shed in the backyard,

"I made this for, Aidan." he said softly and uncovered an elaborate wood coffin. It was a simple box made from light wood with complicated swirls etched into it. On the lid read; _Aidan Haley Winchester, beloved daughter and sister._

"It's beautiful, Bobby." Sam said with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you, Bobby." Dean said hugging his surrogate father.

Bobby sniffed and then sighed, "If you want I thought we could plant her next to Karen." Dean and Sam nodded in agreement, "It seems right, Aidan was like a daughter to me."

Dean walked back to the van Bobby had picked them up in and gingerly took Aidan's body in his arms. She felt so light it was hard to believe the things she did as a hunter. How hadn't she been broken in half years ago? How had she endured all the training their dad had put her though? Dean could remember going through defensive moves with her and beating the crap out of her. Sam and Bobby followed him into the house and to a spare bedroom. Dean laid Aidan down on the mattress gently and then proceeded to unwrap her from the sheet she was in.

"I'll leave you two alone with her," Bobby excused himself and left.

Dean heard Sam's attempts to control sobs as he tossed the sheet away. They had dressed Aidan in a white type gown that came just above her knees. It hurt to look at her; her face was still severly bruised and cut. Thick guaze was wrapped around her neck hiding the deep knife wound that killed her. Aidan's body was covered in bruises and a bone stuck out one of her legs. Dean and Sam couldn't see them but knew nine stab wounds were under her gown. Sam went over and moved Aidan's hair out of her face losing control of the tears he was trying to gulp down. Dean left Sam with their sister and went out to the backyard where Bobby was starting to dig a grave next to his wife. Dean insisted on digging the grave himself, Bobby leaving him to it. It felt important to Dean to do it, it was something he could physically do for his sister. Even if she was dead and it was too late. It took him two hours and by the time he was done he was breathing hard and sweaty. He wiped himself off as he walked into the bedroom again. Sam was sitting next to Aidan holding her hand. He wasn't crying anymore but just looked defeated and broken,

"It's time, Sammy." Dean said squeezing his younger brother's shoulder.

Sam took a deep breath and nodded. He scooped Aidan up and carried her out to the backyard where Bobby was waiting. Dean jumped down into the grave and Sam passed Aidan to him. Dean laid their sister down gently folding her arms neatly across her middle. He fixed her hair from her face and smoothed out the gown around her. Bobby handed him the lid and with one last glance Dean shut Aidan in her resting box. Sam helped shovel the dirt over the coffin and then stood next to Dean in silence. All three men stood around Aidan's grave each in their own grief with tears raining. Bobby went back into the house not being able to stand there anymore.

"I'm glad we buried her." Sam's voice was thick. "I couldn't watch her body burn knowing where she's at."

Flashbacks of hell made Dean close his eyes, "Me too."

After standing outside until dark Dean and Sam made their way inside. Sam went to his room and shut the door while Dean went straight to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror at himself; his eyes were bloodshot, dark circles shadowed underneath. What was left of the bruises and cuts patterned around his cheeks and lips. Dean turned on the shower and then stripped out of his dirt and sweat saturated clothes. As the hot water pounded on his head more flashbacks of hell raced before his eyes. He took a deep breath and shook his head- he just couldn't go there. Dean went back to his room after his shower and put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He left his room and went to Sam's, he knocked lightly with no answer. He opened the door quietly and peered in to find his brother asleep, snoring lightly. Dean wandered back to his room suddenly very exhausted; he'd been up for a least forty-eight hours straight. He threw his self on the bed and almost immediately went to sleep. After moping around Bobby's house for another week the two remaining Winchesters decided it was time to get back on the road,

"You look after her," Dean told Bobby as he hugged him.

"Ya know I will." Bobby replied.

Sam hugged Bobby too, "Thanks for everything."

The boys climbed in the Impala, "Hey, listen," Bobby said leaning in the window, "don't y'all be strangers. I expect phone calls weekly and to see your asses back out here before the month's out."

"Yes sir." Dean nodded knowing full well they wouldn't be back for a while.

Sam already had a case picked out in Georgia so that's where they headed. Dean kept glancing in the rearview mirror expecting to see Aidan. Usually she'd be reading a book or listening to her iPod. It was quiet, although Dean didn't really want to talk about anything he wished Sam would say _something_. Sam had drawn into himself and mostly stared out the window.

"Sammy?" Dean broke the silence.

"Hm?" he answered without looking from the window.

"Are you never gonna talk to me again?"

"What do you want me to say?"

Dean sighed, "I don't know, talk about something you usually do. You know, college days, my unhealthy eating habits-" Dean trailed off.

Sam peeled his eyes away from the window then and stared at his brother, "Dean, we just buried our sister. I could care less about college or what you eat."

"I know, man-" Dean said his jaw muscle jumping, "-we can't go through what we did when dad died. It nearly killed us."

Sam shook his head, "Dean-" he stopped as Dean pulled the car over and turned in his seat to look at him full on. Dean's eyes were misty and pleading,

"Dad is gone, I just lost my babysister- I can't lose you too, Sam. You can't pull away from me. We're the only ones left, we have to stick together. Ok?" Dean didn't leave any room for arguement so Sam just nodded his head.

Two weeks and three jobs later Dean's speech wasn't evident; communication was cut off unless it had to do something with the case they were working. There was a lot of drinking between the two, which lead to yelling that lead to shoving that eventually lead to all out brawls. It was a wonder they didn't kill each other. Dean still hurt for Aidan but he wanted Sam to stop moping and get passed it. He was tired of always being reminded that their sister was dead. That fact was made worse by Bobby and Ellen calling and then leaving worried voicemails when the boys didn't answer their phones. Months went by and they deteriorated even more; more booze, more risks on the job, carelessness with each others safety. Dean tried to pick a fight with any guy that looked at him wrong, Sam stopped trying to intervine when Dean took a swing at him. After a hunt Sam stormed into the motel room with Dean following him yelling,

"That was reckless and stupid, Sam!" he had gone after a demon by his self, Dean not knowing what happened to him and thinking the worse.

Sam sighed and turned towards his brother, "Dean, I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself."

"I don't care!" Dean yelled back his anger igniting even more. Sam knew better, especially after what happened to Aidan, "Did you forget what happened the last time we met up with a demon?"

Sam stepped up to Dean, "No! I think about it every damn day!"

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because I'm trying to kill every one of those son of bitch's I can!" Sam growled, "I don't know what the hell you're doing."

"Playing it safe, Sam!"

"Like you played it safe the day Meg killed Aidan?" Sam flung at his brother.

Dean shocked took a step back. Why would Sam say that? The shock flitted and left just as fast as it came and he drew his fist back and punched Sam. Sam took it in stride but came back up swinging hitting Dean in his chin. The two were going at each others throats, punching and kicking, when they felt a gust of wind _inside_ the motel room. Dean pushed Sam off him and stared at the guy standing in the room with them,

"Castiel?" Sam huffed.

"Sam," the trench coat doned angel greeted him.

Dean suddenly felt the urge to hit the angel instead of his brother, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I can't discuss that right now." Castiel answered without missing a beat.

"Then why are you here?" Sam asked the obvious question hanging in the air.

"I heard about your sister," the angel stated awkwardly. "I'm very sorry."

Dean stared at the angel; Castiel had a hint of sadness in his face, "You're only eight months late." Dean took a sudden sharp intake of breath,

"Dean?" Sam asked concerned.

"Bring Aidan back." Dean ordered the angel, "Spring her outta hell like you did me."

Castiel dropped his head, "I can't do that, Dean."

"Why the hell not?"

"The demons are prepard for that, they aren't willing to make the same mistake twice." Castiel looked up to Dean, "You were a special circumstance."

Sam said what Dean was thinking, "Well, make Aidan a special circumstance. She's a Winchester, were important to you people, right?"

Castiel shook his head, "I'm sorry, I can't." Another _whoosh_ of air and the angel was gone.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted as he picked up one of Sam's research books and chucked it across the room.

He left Sam behind in the motel and climbed into the Impala. Dean whipped his car out of the parking lot and drove down the deserted road. He didn't pay attention to where he was going, he just kept seeing Aidan's face in his head accompanied by images of hell. He'd been lying to himself the whole time thinking he was getting over Aidan's death. He realized he couldn't deal with it, it just hurt too much. Angry tears ran down his face as he raced down the street ignoring any traffic laws. It wasn't just Aidan's death, it was the fact that he lost Sam too. Dad's dead, Aidan's dead, and Sam might as well be. They could barely look at each other anymore. Dean pulled over to the side of the road and put his head on the steering wheel; he had a decision to make.

* * *

**AN:** Ok, here's the list of songs:

Outside- Staind

Coming Undone- Tantric

Dear Agony- Breaking Benjamin

Heart In My Hands- Trust Company

Changes- 3 Doors Down

Watch Me Bleed- Scary Kids Scarying Kids

Beautiful Tragedy- In This Moment

Into the Nothing- Breaking Benjamin

Walk Away- Five Finger Death Punch

Far From Home- Five Finger Death Punch

Wrecking Ball- Novus Dae

Erase My Scars- Evans Blue

Crawl- Breaking Benjamin

Hold On- All That Remains

Gone Away- Cold

Brother- Dark New Day

Not Strong Enough- Apocalyptica

Anthem of the Angels- Breaking Benjamin

Had Enough- Breaking Benjamin

Die Trying- Art of Dying


	4. Back From the Dead As Who?

**AN:** So, here's the next installment. Hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Oh, and c'mon guys, i need some reviews! What can i say, i'm a stickler for 'em!

_

* * *

__Dean pulled over to the side of the road and put his head on the steering wheel; he had a decision to make._

"I've been trying to call you for two hours!" Sam exclaimed as a defeated Dean walked back into the motel room.

"Sam," Dean said resigned, "this isn't going to work."

"What are you talking about?" Sam snapped.

Dean motioned inbetween the two of them, "Us hunting together." he watched as Sam sat on the bed and stared up at him, "We've been at each others throats since Aidan." Dean went on to explain, "I don't want to fight with you, Sammy. To be honest I don't even want to be around you, it's too much. I'm having a hell of a time just trying to keep myself going. I'm constantly worried when we go out on jobs, I can't even concentrate."

"So what are you saying?" Sam's wounded voice asked.

"I think we should go our seperate ways."

The next morning Dean told his brother to take care of himself and watched Sam disappear in his rearview mirror. Dean told himself it was best and that they would be safer apart from each other. Days blurred together for Dean as he hunted by himself. He picked up any job, one after the other, not giving himself time to even think about things too deeply. He'd finish a case and then go back to his motel room and fall into fitful sleep. He thought about Sam a lot and on a couple of occassions almost called him, his thumb hesitating over the call button on his cell phone. Was Sammy hunting or trying to lead a normal life again? Was he even still alive? These questions plagued him in the small amount of time he allowed himself to actually think. One paticular night Dean came back to find Castiel waiting for him in his motel room. Dean walked straight to him and punched him the mouth and then craddled his hand. It was like punching a brick wall,

"Dean, go to Bobby's." Castiel said and vanished again without further explanation.

That guy could really get under Dean's skin sometimes. Dean didn't think twice, he packed his stuff, called Bobby, and set out on the road. Two days later he arrived in South Dakota and drove the familiar path back to Bobby's junkyard. Dean sighed loudly before walking up and knocking on Bobby's door. His surrogate father opened the door and stared at him before gathering him in a hug. Bobby let Dean go and slapped the back of his head; Dean just smirked.

"It's been a while I guess." Dean commented.

"Hmph," Bobby snorted, "been more than a while boy. It's been a year today." Dean stared at him thoughtfully, he didn't realize today was the day they buried his sister a year ago. He followed Bobby into his living room and stopped short. Sam was standing there,

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked trying to cover his shock. He hadn't seen or heard from his brother for about four months.

"I called him." Bobby shook his head, "You two girls need to stop actin' like igits and get over whatever's going on between ya."

Dean and Sam glanced at each other and silently agreed a truce for the time, "Did Castiel tell you why he wanted you here?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head, "You know how cryptic the bastard is."

Sam sighed, "Then I guess we wait here until he shows up."

"Guess so." Dean agreed.

Bobby looked at both of them, "No fightin' while you're here or I'll kick both your asses."

Dean rolled his eyes but knew Bobby was serious and went out to the Impala to get his bag. After getting settled in the room he usually stayed in he wandered out to the backyard. Sam was standing by Aidan's grave,

"How've you been?" Dean asked trying to sound indifferent.

"Fine," Sam answered. "Been working a lot of jobs."

Dean smirked to himself, that didn't surprise him, "Me too."

Silence hung between them before Sam looked over to Dean, "What I said about you not playing it safe with Aidan, I didn't-"

Dean stopped him, "I know, Sam. I'm sorry too." Sam nodded.

Dean looked down at Aidan's grave and noticed for the first time it looked freshly dug up, "What the hell?"

"I can't get a damn thing to grow." Bobby answered him walking up to them. "I've tried grass and flowers and everything dies the next day."

"It's like your grave was." Sam said looking over to Dean.

"Because it's unholy ground." Dean concluded.

"I don't follow." Bobby confessed.

Dean sighed, "Aidan's in hell, that's about as unholy as you can get."

Sam and Dean stayed by their sister's grave until Bobby yelled for them to come inside for dinner. Dean had to admit, he missed Bobby's cooking. He could tell Sam had too. After eating they sat in the living room drinking beers catching up; evidently Sam had been traveling too, killing anything he could. Before that though he tried at the "normal" thing, getting a job, but it didn't work out. Sam had gotten bored and the overwhelming need to hunt made it miserable. Sam was in mid sentence when the familiar _whooshing_ sound and the appearence of Castiel stopped him.

"You need to dig up your sister." Castiel said bluntly.

"Excuse me?" Sam asked with wide eyes.

"I don't have time to explain." the angel huffed clearly more than flustered. "Go now." and then he vanished.

The three men glanced at each other and then hauled ass out to the backyard. Bobby retrieved two shovels and handed them to the boys. They started digging urgently. An hour later Sam's shovel hit wood and they stopped, glancing at each other. Dean brushed off the remaining dirt and hesitantly opened the box; he was shocked at what he saw. Aidan looked as if she was just buried the day before instead a full year ago. Dean looked up to Sam and Bobby who had similiar suprised expressions. Sam climbed out of the grave and held his arms out for Dean to pass their sister to him. Dean carefully grabbed Aidan and gave her to his brother. They walked back into the house where Sam gently laid Aidan's body on the couch.

"What do we do now?" he asked.

"I don't know Sammy, I guess we wait for Castiel." The Winchester boys sat staring at their sister for an hour wondering what the hell was going on. Finally, Castiel showed up. He was breathing hard and rushed over to them,

"I am bringing Aidan back." he quickly blurted. "Be prepard with water." he instructed and left.

"What's with the water?" Sam asked.

"When I dug myself out of my grave my throat felt like it was on fire I was so thirsty." Dean answered him. Bobby came back with two bottles of water and they anxiously waited.

Aidan suddenly gasped and shot up, "Water." she looked around wildly and pointed to the water Bobby was holding. He quickly unscrewed the cap and handed it to her. Aidan downed the water and took the next one Bobby offered her. Water drunk she stared at Dean, Sam, and Bobby with a scared expression,

"Who are you?" she asked.

* * *

**Sooo...what'd you think? Tell me what you think is going on!**

**-Fox**


	5. Tears and Scars

**AN: **So, here it is folks, the next installment! I hope you enjoy...and without further adue..

* * *

_Aidan suddenly gasped and shot up, "Water." she looked around wildly and pointed to the water Bobby was holding. He quickly unscrewed the cap and handed it to her. Aidan downed the water and took the next one Bobby offered her. Water drunk she stared at Dean, Sam, and Bobby with a scared expression,_

_"Who are you?" she asked._

I felt my lungs expand painfully and sat up quickly. My throat burned like someone had set it on fire. My eyes zeroed in on a water bottle a man was holding and I pointed to it frantically. He handed it to me and I chugged it and then the next one he handed me. With the fire put out I noticed there were three men staring at me like I was a ghost.

"Who are you?" I asked. They looked confused at my question, especially the two younger ones. I stood up a little wobbly and noticed I was wearing a skimpy gown. I tried to cover myself with my arms, "Where am I?"

"Aidan," the shorter of the two younger guys said cautiously and shrugged out of his leather jacket, 'it's ok." he reassured me and held out the jacket. Aidan? Who was Aidan? I realized with a jolt that I didn't really know my name. I carefully took the jacket from him and put it on to cover myself.

"How did I get here?" I asked feeling panic well up inside my chest. Why did these three men have me? And why were they staring at me so weirdly?

"Castiel got you out." The freakishly tall one answered.

Who were all these people? "Castiel?" I asked seperating myself from them behind the couch. Before they could answer me another man just..._appeared_ in the middle of the room. I felt my jaw drop.

"What the hell's wrong with her, Cas?" Leather jacket owner barked.

"She has no memory of who or where she was." The appearing man answered.

"I'm Aidan, right? I mean, that's who I am, my name?" I questioned frantically while my vision swam.

"Yes." The old guy finally piped up.

"Who are you?" I pointed to freakishly tall and leather jacket owner.

"We're your brothers." F.T. sighed sadly. This was just a little too much for me. I wake up with my throat on fire, in a strange house, with three men staring at me two of which are claiming to be my brothers, and _then_ this Castiel guy just pops, no literally, pops in. My head swam a little more and I steadied myself on the couch.

"She's going to faint." the pop in guy said. I felt an arm catch me before I did a faceplant on the floor.

_Please, please let this be a very bad dream._ I opened my eyes and I was still in the same house. _Shit. _Freakishly tall guy was sitting in a chair next to the bed I was laying in, he gave me a sad smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me.

I thought about it for a moment, "Lost." I answered honestly. The guy had soft sympathetic eyes, "What's your name?"

His expression saddened a little at the question, "Sam." he sighed.

"And the guy that gave me his jacket?"

"Dean."

I nodded, "And you two are-"

"-brothers." Sam finished. He got up from the chair he was sitting in and I tensed up ready to defend myself if he tried anything. He grabbed a small bag at the end of the bed and set it beside me, "I imagine you want to get out of that." he pointed to the gown I was still wearing.

Sam left the room and I quickly searched through the bag; I grabbed a pair of jeans, a black camisole, and long sleeved plaid shirt, and the black army style boots. Gees, where'd they shop at, Hunters 'r Us? I threw the clothes on not really paying attention and went to the window. I opened it very quietly and looked down; it was a ways to the ground. A knock on the door made me jump,

"Aidan? You ok?" Sam's voice filtered through the door. I swung my legs over the ceil- I was just going to have to risk a broken leg. Another knock as the door knob rattled, "Aidan?" Sam voice was more urgent. "Aidan, open the door."

I took a deep breath and jumped as Sam barreled through the door. I landed and winced as my ankle was shocked with the impact. I heard Sam call my name out the window as I pushed myself up and quickly limped my way around the house. There were cars _everywhere_, haphazardly stacked on top of each other or crushed. _Must be a junkyard_, I thought to myself as I navigated around them. I made it around to the front of the property and saw a pathway that could possibly lead to a road. I stepped out on it,

"Aidan!" Sam's brother, Dean yelled.

I looked behind me to see him coming my way from the house. My legs seemed to think for me as I sped off down the road running as fast as I could. No matter how hard I pumped my stupid short legs he was faster and eventually caught up with me. We both went down as he tried to stop me; I rolled onto my back and he sat on my stomach. I tried to punch and smack at him but he grabbed my wrists,

"Stop," Dean growled. "I'm not gonna hurt you, kid."

"Please let me go." I cried.

"I can't." he said and pulled me up to my feet and proceeded to drag back to the house.

I dug my heels in the dirt and pulled with all my weight. Dean turned to me and I punched him in the face, he dropped my wrist in surprise. I turned to run again but he grabbed my arm making me stumble back to him. I was _not_ going to let this dude take me without a fight. I continued to punch, scratch, kick, anything to get him off me. He finally got irritated and wrapped his arm around my waist and picked me up. Dean wrestled me into the house and dumped me on the couch,

"Sit!" he ordered and pointed to the couch as I tried to get back up. I noticed Sam and the old guy standing in the living room watching the scene.

"What do you want with me?" I yelled at them.

"I told you we're your brothers." Sam answered.

Dean brought a chair over and sat it in front of me. He sighed and plopped down on it. I drew my fist back to punch him again- he caught it in his hand, "Ok, you're gonna stop trying to hit me," he said in a stern voice, "and we're gonna talk about this like rational people."

"I'm not your sister!" I tried explaining.

Dean's eyebrow raised, "If you don't even know who you are how do you know you're not our sister?"

"I- uh-I-um," I stumbled for words. I didn't really know how to answer. Ok, let's test him, "Tell me something only my brother would know."

Dean didn't even hesitate, "You have a red birthmark on the inside of your left thigh." How would he know that? He must have read the confusion on my face, "I used to change your diapers, kid."

Sam took his wallet out grabbing something, "Here." he said handing me a picture. I stared at it; Sam and Dean were leaning against a black muscle car and between them sitting on the hood was me. I looked like I was in mid laugh- I must've been happy, right?

I sighed the fight leaving me completely, "Tell me who I am." I caved in.

The old man stepped into the conversation then, "Aidan Haley Winchester." he answered confidently.

"Who are you?"

"Bobby Singer," he smiled, "family friend."

I nodded slowly, "How old am I?"

"Fif-" Sam started but corrected himself, "-sixteen now."

"And you?"

"Twenty-five."

I pointed to Dean, "Twenty-nine."

"Where am I from?"

"The three of us were born in Lawrence, Kansas." Sam said.

I sat silent for a moment and then an obvious question popped into my brain, "Where's our parents?"

I watched as Sam and Dean shared a sad glance at one another. Bobby was the one to answer, "They're dead." he sighed.

The words felt like a punch in my stomach, "How?" I gasped.

"Mom died in a fire and dad-" Sam looked over to Dean and something passed between them, "-from a car accident." Sam finished slowly. There was a sudden breeze in the room and I turned to see the pop in guy. I jumped up from the couch running into Dean. He steadied me,

"You've got to stop that, Cas!" Sam scolded, "Aidan doesn't know what you are, you're gonna give her a heart attack."

My hand was on my chest as I took deep breaths, "What is he?" I almost shouted.

"Cas, don't-" Dean started but the man answered anyways,

"My name is Castiel and I am an angel."

I gaped at him. Was he serious? "An angel?" I asked trying not to laugh at him.

He definitely wasn't amused, "Yes."

I looked to Dean who nodded. "This is crazy." I said sitting hard on the couch.

"Have you explained how she ended up here?" Castiel asked the men standing around me.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now, Cas." Sam said quickly, "She just found out who she is."

"She has to know." the...angel (?) said. He stood in front of me so he could look me in the eyes, "Aidan, a year ago you and your brothers were tortured by a demon." Dean sighed loudly and pulled his hand through his hair. Castiel continued, "You sacrificied yourself and the demon killed you."

I stared at him for a minute and then chuckled crazily, "Yeah, a demon. I mean, there's got to be demons if there's angels, right?"

Castiel nodded and continued, "After she killed you you were sent to hell. That's where you were for a year before I rescued you."

I stood up and paced holding my hand to my forehead which was throbbing, "This is crazy." I blew out the air I was holding in my lungs. "You want me to believe that a demon tortured and killed me and that I went to hell?"

"Have you not seen yourself?" Castiel asked me. I thought about it, I hadn't seen myself in a mirror and when I was getting dressed I was so concentrated on getting away I didn't pay any attention. Castiel came over to me and gently took my hand and put it to my throat, "The demon cut you." he explain as I felt a puffy line across my throat. Tears filled my eyes as Castiel moved my hand just under my shirt, "You were stabbed." I felt another puffy line.

"Bathroom!" I blurted and ran down the hall to find it.

I found it and slammed the door behind me and ran to the mirror. Sure enough I had a big, puffy, white scar across my throat. I quickly unbuttoned my shirt with trembling hands and looked at my chest; I had five of the same type scars wide enough to fit a knife. I pulled my shirt up to reveal four more on my abdomen; I touched them gingerly and then pulled my shirt back down. I stood in the middle of the bathroom for a minute before bursting into hysterical sobs as I sank down to the floor. The bathroom door opened and Sam came to sit next to me. He silently put his arm around me and I allowed him to hold me as sobs wracked my body. I found myself back in bed when I opened my eyes again; I must have fell asleep in Sam's arms. I got out of the bed and put my hand to my forhead, it was killing me. I had a slight _thumping_ in my temples. I went to the bathroom and scouted out some Aspirin, taking six. The house was quiet as I stood out in the hall, everybody else must have been asleep. I wandered out into the backyard looking up at the stars and almost fell into a big hole. I caught myself and took a step back off the edge of the...grave? It was freshly dug up and the wooden box at the bottom was open and empty. I stepped around and got closer to the headstone to get a better look in the dark. My eyes widened as I read; _Here lies Aidan Haley Winchester, beloved daughter and sister._

"It's kinda freaky seeing your own grave, huh?" I turned around to see Dean standing with his hands in his jacket pockets. I nodded and shivered a little. For the second time since I'd met him Dean shrugged out of his jacket and handed it over to me. I went and stood beside him, when I glanced over at him I noticed something red on his arm under his shirt sleeve,

"What's that?" I asked pointing.

Dean looked down at his arm and then pulled his sleeve up to reveal red puffed up skin in the shape of a hand. It looked as if he was branded. "I'm pretty sure you have one to." He took his jacket from me and pointed to my left arm. I took off the long sleeved plaid shirt leaving me in the cami underneath. Sure enough just below my shoulder on my arm I had the same burn. "It's Castiel's hand." Dean nodded. "When he pulled you out."

I stared at him for a second and then something clicked, "You've been to hell?" I asked incrediously. He nodded his head sadly. "How long were you down there?"

"Four months."

"Oh." Was all I could think to say. I mean, what did you say when someone told you they were in hell? There isn't exactly a handbook for that.

"I know you don't remember being in the pit but time is different down there." Dean's green eyes searched mine. "A month on Earth is ten years in hell."

I did the math in my head and felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop, "I was in hell for a hundred and twenty years!"

"Yeah, kid." Dean sighed. I sat on the ground not sure if my wobbly knees could keep me up any longer. Dean squatted beside me and rubbed my back trying to comfort me. I put my shirt back on and he helped me shrug into his jacket. I looked up into his eyes,

"Tell me about our lives."

* * *

**AN:** I know, you hate me for leaving you off there, but admit it, you love looking foward to the next part ;) Hehe. So, i'm thinking you should spread my story around like a florida wild fire! Tell your friends...they tell their friends...etc etc.

Keep rockin' my sox

-Fox


	6. The Resolve of Coming Back

**AN: **Ok, so i'm getting a lot of hits on my story, which is awesome!, but, i'm not getting many reviews. I could be a total bitch and hold further chapters for ransom! Don't make me do that XD So, be kind, and review :D I need to know if this story is awesome or if it sucks. Give me some pointers if you want! I welcome them!

Give me something specific...like an example of something you liked or hated!

* * *

_I looked up into his eyes, "Tell me about our lives."_

Dean and I sat outside until the sun came up. He told me that me, him, and Sam traveled across the country as hunters. Not the normal kind though, no. We hunt supernatural things. That somehow didn't surprise me. He told me stories about cases we did- the things I was capable of! Supposedly I could kick some serious ass. I thought back to when I punched Dean earlier- it made sense. The Winchester way of life was definitely interesting. After yawning uncontrollably Dean pushed me back into the house and made me get back in bed. As I slept I drempt about Wendigos, vampires, and skinwalkers. When I woke up I went out to the living room and found Sam zipping up a small duffle bag,

"What's up?" I asked.

Sam looked up at me and smiled, "We're taking you to see someone."

"Who?"

"It's a surprise." Dean answered walking out the front door with his bag. Bags packed in the same muscle car in the picture Sam showed me, we stood on the porch saying bye to Bobby. He pulled me into a hug that I accepted awkwardly,

"Don't ya stay away for too long now." he said to Sam and Dean. They nodded and we climbed into the car.

I noticed on the drive that Dean not only loved classic rock but he also loved his car and strangely, pie. When I pointed this out to Sam he just laughed and nodded knowingly. After driving non-stop for hours Dean finally pulled into a dusty parking lot and stopped in front of a deserted bar. The three of us climbed out of the car and walked into the building.

"Dean," a tough looking older woman said, "you son of a bitch!"

"Hey Ellen," Dean smiled fondly.

"It's only been a year-" she stopped when she saw me and her eyes got all big and misty. "Aidan Winchester." she said breathlessly. She walked over to me and gathered me into a tight hug, "I thought you were dead, honey."

I looked to my brothers who nodded, "I'm back." I answered unsure of what to say.

Ellen put me at arms length, "How the hell-" she trailed off seeing my scarred neck. She ran her thumb over it,

"How do I know you?" I asked her. We seemed to be...close? I guess was the word. Ellen seemed confused by my question.

"She has no memory of who she is or being downstairs." Sam explained.

Ellen gaped at him before composing herself, "Well, I don't know about you boys but I sure as hell could use a drink." she sighed while walking behind the bar. Sam, Dean, and I sat at the bar. Ellen put a glass in front of my brothers, leaving me dry.

"Hey," I protested.

"None for you." Dean said sternly and slapped my back. Great, he was being all big brother on me and I'd only known him for two days. Dean and Sam explained to Ellen how Castiel told them to dig me up- which was very weird to hear- and then me coming alive again. When they were done Ellen shook her head and took another shot of Whiskey,

"If Castiel wiped her memory couldn't he fix it?" she asked like it was the most obvious thing.

My brothers and I shared a glance, "I guess he could." Sam finally shrugged.

Something flitted across Dean's face before he composed himself, "Well," he said sighing and getting off the barstool, "we better shove off."

After a goodbye hug from Ellen we left the bar and headed to a motel we were going to spend the night in. We got settled in our room and I took a much needed shower. While I was drying my hair I thought about the expression Dean had when Ellen mentioned Castiel restoring my memory. He almost seemed angry at the suggestion. I decided I was going to ask him about it,

"Dean?" I asked coming out of the bathroom. He was laying on the bed flipping through the TV.

"Hm?"

"Can you contact, Castiel?"

Dean sat up on the bed and looked at me fully, "Why?"

I noticed Sam tense up as he stared between us. "I was just thinking about what Ellen said."

"Well don't." Dean snapped in a gruff tone.

"What, why?" I asked a little surprised.

Dean just shook his head, "No."

"Dean-" Sam tried.

"No, Sammy!" Dean shouted and paced. He looked at me with a pained expression, "You have no idea what it feels like to have those memories."

"No I don't but I can't not know who I am." I argued.

"We can re-train you and tell you everything about our family. You'll get back in the swing of things." Dean pleaded with his eyes.

I shook my head, "It wouldn't be the same. I need to know who I am even if that means having memories of hell."

"I said no." he didn't budge.

I was starting to get pissed off, "You're not my father!" I shouted at him.

Dean's face hardend, "I'm the closest thing to it!" he shouted back, "I've taken care of you all your life. It's my job to protect you!"

"Then how'd I die in the first place?"

"Aidan-" Sam warned finally speaking and stepping towards us.

Dean grabbed my arm to pull me close and when he answered his voice was low and dangerous, "You gave yourself up. I had nothing to do with that." he let my arm go roughly and stormed out of the motel room.

I looked to Sam who started to say something, "Don't." I said and went towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm taking a walk."

I had no idea where I was going when I stormed out of the motel room leaving Sam behind. I was so pissed; who'd Dean think he was telling me what I could and couldn't do? _Your older brother_, the little voice in my head answered. I sighed as I looked around; we were in the middle of nowhere so there wasn't exactly any particular place I could go to. After walking for a bit I found a clearing that was off the road a ways. I sat heavily in the grass and sighed as I fell back. As I stared up at the stars I thought about how Dean's eyes pleaded with me. I knew he was only trying to protect me, I got that, but at what expense? I couldn't live a life I had no memory of- just the thought of it felt like a lie. _You have no idea what it feels like to have those memories_, Dean's voice filtered through my head. I hadn't known the guy long, well- that I could remember, but I knew there was fear underneath the anger he was shoving to the front. Hell scared him, it scared me too, but I just couldn't live without remembering my life. I wanted to know what Dean meant when he said I gave myself up. Castiel said I sacrificied myself; surely I did that for my brothers, right? Or was Dean trying to tell me I did it out of weakness? Something wasn't right about the explaination they gave me about our parents either; I saw the silent conversation Sam and Dean had between them when I asked. If they wanted they could keep anything from me and I would never know the difference. In the short amount of time I'd been with them I knew they loved me, there was no doubt, but I couldn't return the feeling. I remembered the look on Sam's face when I asked him what his name was; it was tragic. The memory of it almost made me want to cry. It was still a hard concept to wrap around my head that we were siblings. It was becoming easier though each time I looked in the mirror; I had the same green eyes as both Sam and Dean, my hair was the same shade of dark brown, and I was sure we shared some of the same expressions. Dean was just going to have to be mad at me. I stood up and looked up to the night sky,

"Castiel!" I called out loud feeling rather stupid. How did one call an angel?

"Yes?" A voice asked calmly behind me.

I jumped and turned to see the trench coat clad angel, "Damn!" I breathed, "Could you sneeze or something to announce yourself?" Castiel didn't say anything but just stared at me expectantly, "I wanted to ask you something."

"What's that?"

"Could you give me my memories back?"

"Yes." He answered without a hitch. I rubbed my head and sighed, "It would be extremely painful." The angel commented voice void of any emotion.

Of course it would be, "What do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

"When I restore the memories they will be clear and vivid, you will feel as you did then."

I gulped down the fear that was caught in my throat and sighed, "I'm gonna talk to Sam and Dean. Can I call you again when I'm ready?"  
Castiel nodded, "Yes."

I looked down at my shoes for a moment and then looked back up, "Thanks, Cas-" I stopped. He was gone.

I walked slowly back to the motel giving myself time to think about what I was going to do. _It would be extremely painful._ Could I take it? I didn't exactly know myself well enough to know if I could or couldn't. I went back to the thought if I gave myself up because I was weak. I stood outside our room at the motel and stared at the door trying to psych myself up for what I knew would probably be a fight. I knew what to expect from Dean but I wasn't sure about Sam, he seemed to be on the fence. I put my hand on the door knob and took a deep breath and exaled as I opened the door. I was immediately rushed my Sam who put his hands on my shoulders and turned me at all angles inspecting me,

"Where the hell were you? We looked all over for you, Aidan."

I pulled myself from my fussing brother, "I'm fine, Sam."

"Good," I heard Dean huff, "Now answer the question."

I looked behind Sam to find a pissed off Dean with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl, "I just needed time to think." I answered and rubbed my still aching head.

"Need time to think, huh?" Dean scoffed. "What if something happened to you?"

"I thought I was a badass hunter?" I pointed out calmly.

Dean leveled a finger at me, "Don't get smart, kid."

"Dean-" I tried.

He ignored me and kept on with his rant, "We've only had you back for a few days, if you think-"

"Dean!" I shouted over him. "I don't want to fight with you!" I sighed after I got his attention. I looked down at my shoe and decided to dive in head first, "I talked to Castiel."

"You did what?" he asked taking a step closer to me.

"Here we go," I heard Sam sigh.

I took a step back, "He said he could give me my memories back."

"No." Dean shook his head vigarously.

"I want to do it."

"Am I speakin' a language you don't understand?" Dean asked in a gruff voice. "I said no, Aidan."

I crossed my arms over my chest and did my best to burn Dean with a glare, "You can't dictate me."

"You're sixteen, you don't get a say."

"Ok," Sam stepped in, "you both need to calm down for a minute."

"Shut up, Sam." Dean and I chorused.

I felt tears on my face before I even knew I was crying, "Dean, please." I pleaded just above a whisper. "I need to remember who I am. There's no way I can feel like I belong to this family and not know anything about it."

Dean paced and ran his hand through his hair, "Cas!" he shouted, "get your feathery ass down here!"

The sound of wings filled the air, "Dean," Castiel greeted.

"You can do it?"

"Yes." the angel answered knowing what Dean meant.

"Just like that?" Dean asked.

Castiel glanced over at me and said the words I really didn't want him to, "I have told Aidan the pain she will experience."

"What pain?" Sam asked glancing at me.

"Apparently when he downloads the memories I'll feel what I did in hell." I sighed as I answered him.

Dean's face fell, "Are you telllin' me she's going to physically experience the pit all over again?"

"While the memories are coming back, yes." Castiel answered.

Sam shook his head then, "Aidan, I don't think-"

"I can handle it." I said with confidence I didn't really feel.

Dean walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes searching for my lie, "Are you sure you want this?" I nodded and he closed his eyes for a few moments before letting out the air he was holding in his lungs, "Fine."

"We should do it at Bobby's." Castiel said.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"It's going to be-" the angel seemed to be at a lost for what word he thought would be adequate, "-loud." He finished.

Why did I have the feeling that didn't hold anything good for me? I set my hand on my eldest brother's arm, "Thank you, Dean."

"Don't thank me yet." Was all he said as he shook my hand off.

* * *

**AN:** I'm still thinking about holding the Winchesters' for ransom! Oi, did anybody listen to any of the songs i listed?

Fox, signing out.

Peace, love, & all that gushy shit XD


	7. A Painful Reminder

**AN:** Here it is folks :)

Hope you like it...review it!

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Sam called Bobby to tell him we were on the way, Castiel disappeared, Dean packed his things with a little too much force, and I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that in a few hours I would be back in hell. The drive to Bobby's was intense, nobody spoke but I noticed Dean would glance at me through his rearview mirror. We drove straight through only stopping to get food or gas. Sam stayed silent but I could tell he was worried; that was him. From what I gathered since I'd been around the two, Dean had the short temper which he used as a front to cover his worry and fear. Sam, on the other hand seemed to be the defuser; he comforted me more and tried to keep the situation calm. As for me, well, I seemed to be a bit of both my brothers. I started to think about our parents, which I knew next to nothing about, and how they would feel about this situation. Would our father support me?

"I wonder what dad would think about this." I thought out loud leaning towards the front seat.

"He would've told you to shut up and wore your ass out if you kept up." Dean answered quickly staring intently ahead at the road.

I frowned, "I take it we bumped heads a lot."

Sam laughed, "You could say that."

"The guy sounds like a real peach." I snorted and sat back crossing my arms. I noticed Dean smiled a little but chose not to comment. Bobby was waiting for us on his porch as we pulled up to his lot. Sam hadn't told him what exactly we were coming for so he pounced, "What's going on?" he asked as we walked towards him wearily. "You three look like someone died."

"Aidan might." Dean mumbled and shoved pass Bobby.

Bobby looked from Dean's passing body to me and Sam, "What's he talkin' 'bout?" Sam filled Bobby in as we stood around in the living room. After taking it all in Bobby grabbed four shot glasses and filled them to the brim with Whiskey. He handed one each to my brothers and then one to me. I looked at him confused, "I think you're gonna earn it." He nodded. With no protests from Dean or Sam I took the small glass in my hand. The four of us raised them and then threw them back. I winced as the liquor burned my throat and then chest as it settled. Even as it was a tense moment Sam laughed and slapped my back,

"You ok?"

"Burns." I choked out. Bobby laughed and since he couldn't control the urge Dean did too. Our smiles faded though as a familiar sound of wings echoed throughout the room alerting us of the arrival of Castiel.

"It is time." Was all he said.

"We should do it in the panic room." Bobby said. I looked at him questioningly, "C'mon." he motioned for us to follow him. We all trailed behind Bobby as he led us downstairs to a basement that ran the length of the house. At the end a big vault door stood open and inside was a circular room. On the far wall a bed was attached by chains, true to real bunker style. At the top sunlight filtered through big fan arms that slowly went round. A symbol is red was on the floor,

"What the hell?" I gaped. Bobby smacked the back of my head, "Ow! What was that for?" I asked rubbing the spot.

"Watch your language." He gruffed.

Dean or Sam didn't seemed surprised so I guessed it was a normal occurance, me getting a smack. This family was just _strange_. "Sorry," I said stubbornly.

Bobby nodded and sighed, "Guess I'll get it ready." He dragged Castiel upstairs with him obvioulsy wanting to give me and my brothers a minute.

"So.." I trailed, "guess this is it." I tried at a smile. Neither Sam or Dean returned it. "Can't be that bad." I tried lifting the mood. Dean wasn't having it,

"It's the worst thing you'll ever go through." He said coldly.

"Dean," Sam hissed.

"No, I'm not gonna sugar-coat it for her, Sam." Dean turned to me, "It's going to hurt more than anything you can up with in your nightmares and it'll haunt you for the rest of your life."

I'm not going to lie; that hurt to hear Dean be so vicious. I wanted him to comfort me but obviously he was still pissed at the whole idea, "Well, guess I'll deal with it then." I retorted.

Dean opened his mouth to sling something back at me but Bobby came back down with Castiel, "These should do it." He said as he placed a pillow and blanket on the bunker bed.

Bobby came out of the room where Sam, Dean, and I were standing but Castiel stayed beside the bed waiting. This time when Bobby gave me a hug I hugged him back giving him a good squeeze. I turned to Sam to see the sad puppy dog eyes and wrapped my arms around him for the first time since I'd been back from the grave. He gave me a quick kiss on my forehead and then gently pushed me away. I turned to my eldest brother who crossed his arms evidently not wanting anything from me. I gave him a weary sigh and turned to go to Castiel. At the last minute Dean grabbed my arm and pulled me into a tight hug. He laid his cheek on my head and sighed deeply. He let go of me and I gave him a reassuring smile. I was determined not to show them just how much I was trembling inside or how scared I was of the thought of the excruciating pain I was about to go through. I walked to Castiel,

"Let's get the party started."

"Lie down." He said while gesturing to the bed. I took a deep breath and exaled every ounce of air from my lungs. I laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling watching the fan go round and round. Castiel sat beside me on the bed looking down into my eyes; piercing blue vs. scared green. "Are you ready?" He asked.

_No_. "Yes." I nodded.

"Close your eyes." The angel said softly.

I did as he said and he put his hands on either side of my head. My heart rate tripled, my hands shook, a sheen of sweat broke out over my entire body and as I heard him say something uncomprehendable my head exploded.

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**Again...review. Please & thank you!**

**-Fox**


	8. Hell Endurance

**AN: So sorry this has taken me a while to post; both myself and my mother was in the hospital. Anyways, make me feel better and leave a comment!**

**

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**_"Close your eyes." The angel said softly._

_I did as he said and he put his hands on either side of my head. My heart rate tripled, my hands shook, a sheen of sweat broke out over my entire body and as I heard him say something uncomprehendable my head exploded._

_

* * *

_

As Dean watched Castiel put his hands on either side of Aidan's head it felt like a weight dropped in his stomach. He should've never agreed to this. He could've stopped Aidan, locked her in a motel room for the rest of her life. It was his job to make sure nothing happened to his and Sam's sister. Dean was about to protest and tell Castiel to back off but the angel said something in some angel language and Aidan gasped. She arched her back to Castiel's touch as he concentrated on pouring his energy into her. Aidan let out a blood curdling scream completely immersed in the angel's power. Dean, Sam, and Bobby jumped as the lights in the panic room shattered with a loud _pop _and sparks flew. Dean put a restraining hand on Sam's chest as his brother went to lunge towards the angel that was making their sister writhe in pain. Castiel stopped speaking in the angel language and removed his hands from Aidan's head. She fell back to the bed and was still. Eerily still.

"Is she still breathing?" Sam asked anxiously not seeing Aidan's chest moving.

"No." Castiel answered but didn't make a move to help her. Dean shot the angel an incredulous glare and tried to rush to his sister. Castiel put a hand out, "Wait." He ordered not taking his eyes away from the still girl.

"I can't watch her die again!" Sam shouted trying to get past Castiel.

"Wait!" The angel urged again.

The Winchester brothers watched their still sister growing more anxious as every second passed and she didn't breathe. Finally, Aidan gasped again and Dean and Sam let out the air they were holding. Their relief was short lived as Aidan let another skin crawling scream escape her lips. Aidan didn't stop, she continued to scream out in pain and withered all over the bed. Her back arched again, throwing her head back, hands reaching for the blanket in a death grip. Dean could see her eyes were open but she didn't seem to be focused on anything; he knew where she was. She was back in hell being mutilated and tortured in ways not even Stephen King could imagine. He wanted to go to her so bad and shake her awake, he knew it would be no use though. Dean watched as Sam put a hand over his mouth and tried to hold back the agonized tears gathering in his eyes. Bobby's eyes were wide and fixed on the screaming girl. Castiel was standing by watching her too, to anybody else they wouldn't have seen the slight compassion his face displayed. Dean knew the angel well enough though, he saw it. Aidan's voice was deafening and Dean had to motion to Castiel to come out of the room,

"How long will this last?" he asked.

"Hours." The angel answered curtly.

Sam gaped and winced as Aidan's voice went up another octave, "Why can't you just make it all happen at once?"

Castiel shook his head, "It is not that simple, Sam. Aidan is receiving a hundred and twenty years of memories, it takes time."

Bobby tore his eyes away from Aidan and went over to the little group, "We're gonna have to restrain her." He pointed to Aidan as she was clawing at herself, "She's gonna do some serious damage."

Dean looked around the room for something that they could use without hurting her, "Gimme your belt, Sam." He ordered his brother while taking his off.

Sam quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled it through the loops of his jeans. Dean handed Castiel one and the two approached Aidan cautiously. Castiel went in first grabbing one of Aidan's clawing arms and got it down to the side of the bed where he was able to loop the belt through the bed railing and around her wrist. After the angel got Aidan's arm successfully restrained Dean grabbed the other copying the move. Both men stepped away as Aidan continued to buck and scream in agony. Bobby retreated upstairs saying he couldn't watch. Dean felt like a hole was being ripped in his chest and with a glance at his brother he knew Sam was feeling the same. Although it hurt beyond words they each grabbed a chair and sat; they wouldn't leave their sister. Dean closed his eyes and images of himself in hell burned behind his eyelids. He remembered the same screams coming out from the pit of his stomach as he was tortured by Alistair. He still had every memory and the pain was overwhelming sometimes even as he tried to push it out of his mind. Dean opened his eyes to Aidan still screeching and kicking; he couldn't imagine going through the torture twice. He felt like a complete and utter failure, their father would not be proud of him. John had made Dean promise to look after Sammy and Aidan, it was first priority. Their father had literally pounded that into his brain since he was ten years old. Sixteen years later, sitting in a basement and watching his baby sister being hurt in a way that would destroy her, wasn't what he thought a protecting older brother would be doing. He had failed Aidan. After two straight hours and Aidan showing no signs of slowing down Sam roughly got up from his chair and stomped upstairs. Dean was holding his head in his hands trying to block out his sister's shrieks when something cold touched his arm. He looked up to see Sam holding a beer out to him. Dean wearily took it, unscrewed the cap, and chugged. Sam kept sighing loudly and running a hand through his hair, Dean knew it was killing him. It was especially hard when Aidan screamed out for their dad and them.

Castiel glanced back at the Winchester boys every once in a while but he mostly kept his eyes on Aidan; he almost found her remarkable. He couldn't understand the human determination and willingness to sacrifice themselves. Yet, here was this sixteen year old girl screaming, being tortured for the second time, and for what? Love? He simply did not understand. Perhaps it was loyalty. That was something the angel could understand more than any other creature.

Two more hours went by and Aidan's screams finally started to dwindle. Dean and Sam walked over to their sister as her back laid flat on the mattress. Her eyes were still focused somewhere else other than the room they were in, her breathing was wild, she was soaked in sweat and her fists kept flexing. Aidan's eyes glazed over and she blinked, focusing them. As soon as she was conscious her eyes moved rapidly around the room until they landed on her brothers. Her face contorted and she started to sob, crying so hard Dean could see her ribs expanding through her shirt. Sam moved to her and unbuckled the belts around her wrists and grabbed her in a hug, rocking her,

"I gotcha." He cooed, "Shhh."

* * *

I blinked my eyes and the panic room slid into my vision. _I'm in the panic room_. My eyes found Sam and Dean who looked devastated and worn. Memories flooded in as the last of the torture was leaving my body and I couldn't hold in the tears as the horror ripped through me. Sam fumbled with something on my wrists and quickly picked me up in his arms and held me tightly,

"I gotcha," he said soothingly, "Shhh."

"Sam," I tried to say but all that came out was a gasp.

My voice was useless. I didn't care, what did I have to say? What words could I say to explain what I just went through? I cried and cried until my body just gave out completely and dark enveloped me. When I opened my eyes again I was staring up at a different ceiling other than the panic room, I winced when the fire in my throat roared to life. I felt a weight across my stomach and turned to see Sam sleeping beside me with his arm draped over me. His face was peaceful but his eyes had deep shadows underneath like he hadn't slept for a month. I carefully moved his arm and slid out of the bed. My body was extremely weak and felt awkward as I tried to tip toe across the room. Dean was sleeping too in a bed across the room. His eyes were moving under his lids, he was dreaming. I grabbed my small duffle bag and slipped out the room without waking my brothers. I proceeded to tip toe across the hall to the bathroom where I shut and locked the door. The girl staring back at me from the mirror looked…rough. Her short hair was sticking up in every direction, eyes were blood shot, skin pale and shiny from sweat. I sighed at my appearance and proceeded to take my clothes off for a shower. While I was standing under the scalding water I looked down to my chest and ran a finger over one of the puffy scars. I thought back to the room where Meg tortured me and my brothers and decided I would take that every day compared to what I experienced in hell. I closed my eyes and held them tight against the flashbacks; the hooks that were speared in my shoulders and legs holding me in place, the fire, blood, screaming, and Meg. Meg as she was carving into me, her sick and twisted smile as she played with my insides once she cut me to pieces. After I wouldn't be able to take anymore my body would become whole again only for the process to start over. It was a bloody cycle that went on for years and years and all I wanted to do was die, but I couldn't. Meg brought me back every time and that was a different kind of torture in its self, just knowing I wouldn't get the relief of getting it over with. I shuddered and sat down quickly before my knees could give out and bawled. When my eyes couldn't produce any more moisture and the water turned cold I got up and carefully climbed out of the shower. A knock on the door made me jump,

"Aidan, you ok in there?" I heard Dean ask. My voice didn't work so I couldn't call out to him which I'm sure made him nervous, "Aidan," he rattled the locked door knob, "If you don't open the door I'm going to break it down." I quickly found a towel and wrapped it around myself and went over to the door. I opened it to find Dean readying himself to bust the door down, he straightened when he saw I was ok. I pointed to my throat and shook my head, "Sorry," he huffed. I noticed his eyes drift to the scars on my chest the towel wasn't covering. I rolled my eyes and gave him an annoyed look. "Right, ok, you're good." He said and left.

I took my time to dry off and slowly pulled my clothes on my aching body. I put my bag back in the room I slept in and made my ways downstairs where I could hear my brothers and Bobby talking. When I entered the kitchen they stopped and stared at me like I was going to freak out at any minute. I couldn't blame them, I felt like freaking out- my heart stammering against my rib cage, but I was trying to keep myself glued together. I sat in a chair at the table and winced as I rubbed my wrists, the skin was a little raw,

"We had to keep ya from hurtin' yourself." Bobby answered to my rubbing. He motioned the boys to sit at the table as he scooped eggs onto our plates.

"Here," Dean said handing me three Aspirin, "these will help." I gave him a _are you serious? _glare and motioned for more. He sighed but gave me three more. I winced as they went down my tight, raw throat. My brothers tried to get me to eat but food was just not an option for me. For one my throat hurt and secondly; my stomach felt like butterflies were having a field day.

After the uneventful breakfast I wondered out to the backyard and sat in front of the grave I was in less than a week ago. Thoughts swirled around in my head; I was dead and buried. In the ground. Less than a week ago. I almost got dizzy staring at the box my body had been laying in. I still remembered everything that happened since I had been risen from the grave, I could still remember the confusion when I didn't know who I was. It was weird to know who I was but also knowing the feeling of when I didn't. I decided my life was quickly becoming ridiculous, well, even more than usual which was just scary. I blinked and a sudden flashback burned it's self into my brain. I felt myself jerk at the memory but it didn't go away. I heard myself take a sharp intake of breath but it still was there, searing behind my eyelids. I couldn't feel it physically anymore but I knew the feeling of it and my own screams echoed in my ears. I opened my eyes again and the painful intrusion melted away and left me with an ache in my chest. Was this how Dean felt when Castiel rescued him? My oldest brother had been such a wreck and I couldn't blame the guy. At first he refused to admit that he remember hell at all but me and Sam saw the signs; the nightmares that barely let him sleep, the far off look in his eyes when he was seeing something neither of us could, and the torture he put himself through. It was all there and it had almost killed Dean and now perhaps it would kill me. I could already feel the sadness and anger settling into my chest and there was something else; regret. Not for regaining my memory but the disappointed look I saw on Dean's face whenever he looked at me. I could understand why he was pissed off; I had a choice to remember hell or not. He didn't. He wasn't in my shoes though, it wasn't about just choosing to remember the pit. It was about knowing who I was, who my brother's were, and where I came from. We didn't live in a world most people did, we lived through things most people would run from screaming. If they had re-trained me and told me everything about our lives it would've been a lie. It would've been like reading a book; I could picture it but somebody else had wrote it. I couldn't do that. When I didn't know who I was it was bad enough but having two brothers who loved me and I couldn't return the feeling was excruciating. I didn't think I could live with having to re-learn how to love.

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**AN: There it is! So...what'd ya think?**

**-Fox**


	9. AN

Hey guys…sorry to tease but this isn't a chapter. Just thought I'd drop a line….

So, I'm sorry I haven't updated yet but I've been hella busy. And….much to my disappointment I have lost my writing bug! For fuck sake! So…leave encouraging thoughts, spirits, energies..etc etc!

I am NOT giving up on this story!

Thanks for being patient!

-Fox


	10. AN TAKE 2: EXPLANATION

**Sorry to disappoint but this is just another author's note.**

* * *

I know I've promised another chapter to this story but really, it's not the best. Since first starting this story I have grown as a writer and have learned a lot.

Sooooo...

I'll be taking this story down in a few days. **WAIT!...don't throw objects or yell out loud at the computer screen (really, some people may frown upon that)**. I DO plan to continue this story! I'm going to do some major editing and replotting :)

I promise this story will be back though, although, I can't give you a definite ETA.

I have been extremely pleased with the comments that I've gotten so far!

**Do me a coupla favors though:**

1. Read the story through one more time and point out anything you think I can do better! PM me or leave it as a comment.

2. Continue with your support! Really, it makes me write faster :)

3. **This one's a biggie! Please, if you want to read this story when I repost it then _subscribe! _Make sure you hit the 'Author Alert' button down below.**

Again, I'm sorry that I've left you guys hanging...believe me, I know how unbelievably, fuckin', frustrating that is! I'm a fanfic reader too, ya know.

So! Don't forget about me! Subscribe! In the mean time, I will be posting other stories.

Thanks again for everyone's support! I would like to say a **HUGE **thank you to _The Little Spanko _and _Muse24_. You guys have both been extremely helpful.

**-Fox, out.**


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